The RCellianist

Always Higher

Reflection — September 10, 2017


This week we learned how to create color story and concept board. I never thought that it would be very hard doing these things. In doing these things you actually need to have a clear grasp of your vision for the work, and it’s also a challenge to translate your vision on paper.

40-Day Fast (Day 1) — September 21, 2016

40-Day Fast (Day 1)

I first felt “hunger” at around 4pm, when I was walking by the kiosks. This fast is great, as it makes me question my habits. Normally I buy egg sandwiches during the time but now I realize that I just buy because there is food around and not because I am really hungry. I felt a bit light-headed though, so during that time I was kinda wondering if I really needed food.

I have a parttime job at around 7, so I cannot go home yet. I stopped by the mall near my tutee’s house. Holy f—. I don’t know if there is any Chinese event or something but they sell a lot of mooncakes and other Chinese delicacies here, which I FREAKING LOVE. I can’t deny that my instinct when the first hint of the smell of mooncakes touched my nose was to grab my bag for money. Thank goodness I did not bring much money to help me with this fast. But hell, I started to crave something sweet.

I need to study so I cannot just walk around. So where else could I get a seat? THE FOOD COURT. The heavenly smell of waffles makes my tummy grumble. I know I am not hungry but I just want to eat, or just shove any food on my mouth. By this time I am questioning whether a 1-week binge before fasting is a good idea. Probably not. I decided to buy water. It turns out I am so dehydrated that it was what causing my light-headedness.

 I realized that I just drink whenever I am eating something. Hm. I should drink water more often.

40-Day Fast (Day 0) — September 20, 2016

40-Day Fast (Day 0)

In order to start the fast, I decided to give myself the last binge. I hope that would help me commit to the experiment.

Last Supper. McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Fillet ala King with rice topped with gravy, regular fries, and root beer float. Sorry for the ugly picture. Believe me, it’s freakin’ delicious.

Yep, that’s McDonald’s right there. Full of carbs, saturated fats and other tasty stuff. That’s the last meal I got for the day. I was planning of eating healthier stuff to prepare my body, but nah. I think I needed emotional support than nutrients, since during this week I have already eaten like a ton of proteins, veggies, and fruits. I also don’t have any nutritional deficiency to begin with (or so I believe. Lol). I believe that Mcdo would give me the boost to start the new day without food. 😛 Nothing can satisfy my cravings like Mcdo, you know. 

Or nah, not really, but I just love their stuff sometimes. Also I want to try their root beer float. 

I ate the food along with 2 pieces of chocolate crinkles given to me before I went to the store. I am actually planning to eat more food for my “last supper”, but I already felt so full due to binging early in the day. 😦 I tried buying their apple pie though, but sadly it isn’t available. I planned to buy food from the nearest convenience store, but that would take me more than 10 minutes, so there, I started my fast few minutes early.

During my last supper, I thought how full I am. I just felt like my stomach would burst open if I eat another meal. I just can’t imagine how the fatter me was able to rack much food into her body. I mean, it is actually much easier to eat less than eat more! My past self must have had terrible experiences that she turned into food for comfort. It’s not like I have a good relationship with food now, but maybe I have actually fixed some of my problems with it. Looking back, I was actually far better than before. 

I’ll now end this post as it is around 12 now. Let’s start the experiment!

[Experiment] 40-Day Fast —

[Experiment] 40-Day Fast

Yes, 40 days.

Let’s just say that my diet has been crazy for a many months now — a constant cycle of restricting and binging. For many months I have restricted myself to 900-1000 calories, and those calories mainly consisted of graham crackers and sugars. Oh, the things we do to be skinny. I did lose weight, but I wouldn’t wish the hellish effects of it to anyone.

I did not stop there. This month I got some pro-ana friends, and started restricting up to 500 calories. That leads to disastrous effects. One day I just snapped and binged. I am eating at around 2500-3000 for a week now. As a result my stomach hurts a lot during those days, since it wasn’t used to a lot of foods. But if you are a depressed, highly-stressed, and sleep-deprived college student like me, you can shove anything to your system if you try hard enough.

But you know what, all those foods did not give any satisfaction. If you think a bar of chocolate would stop your depression and cravings, then you are wrong. Every time I eat I get even more miserable. I would start thinking, “Oh my goodness, I am getting fat… Well, I would just eat less tomorrow…” Well, it’s been 7 days and I’m not stopping yet.

I’ve read somewhere that it could be the aftereffects of restricting for a long time. A study shows that anorexics have high amounts of cortisol in their body. Cortisol is a hormone that has a lot to do with stress and appetite. So once an anorexic starts eating normally, there is a high chance that they would tend to binge-eat. (I would like to talk more about this, but it could be for another day.)

So why fast?

Apparently, restricting is very different from fasting. By restricting, you don’t get the benefits of fasting, because you are still taking in calories. To put it simply, the body uses calories for fuel. When you do eat calories which is far a lot less than you should, the body would still look for the calories to burn. If you restrict for a long time, you might train yourself to eat less, but if you start to go back eating normally, your body would be confused and would urge you to eat more because it would not know when you would be able to eat enough again. You might think that your body is sabotaging you but actually it is just doing its best for you to survive.
But in fasting, it is a lot different. Since you are not taking any more calories, particularly carbohydrates, it would not expect any calorie, and thus your body would turn into other sources of energy, i.e., fat deposits and would use that as fuel instead. This process is called ketosis. It is said to be effective for weight (specifically, fat) loss.

Or so they say.
I have tried the first one, which is restricting. I actually did the extreme version, which is mainly eating carbohydrates. And yes, I can confirm to what science says. It did not bode well so don’t do it, kids. It is not freaking good, especially if you are in a stressful environment, e.g., college. I conclude that yes, your body can adapt and you can actually do it long enough, but you’ll never know when you’ll snap. And if you do snap and let yourself go, it’s downhill from there. Not effective for weight loss. Coupled with ED you’ll end up suicidal.
Still, the search for truth is left unfulfilled. Call me desperate or crazy, I want to experience the other. Yeah, I believe in the science of it. However, I would like to experience it first-hand. (Maybe I’m just miserable and empty. Who knows. :c)

So there it is. I don’t want to make this post longer, so let’s just get right to the experiment!


EXPERIMENT: 40-day fast
DURATION: September 21, 2016 (00:00) to October 30, 2016 (59:59)
1. Not eat anything but water for the next 40 days
2. Have a daily log of experiences
1. To have a diet reboot
2. To know what real hunger feels like
3. To get rid of caffeine, sugar, and pill dependence
4. To lose weight
5. To get rid of food obsession
6. To gain the scientifically-proven benefits of fasting
The said experiment should be finished, unless the participant experiences —
1.  Major decline in performance
2. Fits of great discomfort and sickness (e.g. fainting)


The RCellianist — September 15, 2016

The RCellianist

Welcome to the RCellianist blog!

Initially I plan to make this blog private and personal, as this blog is supposed to be merely a progress tracker to many of the projects I would do. However, I believe that someone could actually learn from this. Therefore, I plan to make this as a school of RCellian lifestyle. Hopefully one could learn more about this lifestyle, and incorporate some bits of this to their life.

The goal of this school is not to teach anyone how to live their life. I do not want to impose my lifestyle on anyone else, especially because I value individualism, and I believe that people don’t fit into a single lifestyle. I would like this to be a place where you learn about how I do things, in order for you to think how you would do it yourself. I believe that is what school should be about.

“RCellianism” is focused on myself, thus the name. It is for my self-growth and cultivation of my lifestyle. However, I believe you can learn a lot from this as the RCellianism has a single goal — To live the life I want in the best way possible. I believe that goal can resonate with anyone. So there, as you browse through this blog I hope you learn many things that could improve you and make you nearer to the life you always wanted. Happy viewing!

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